Me he vuelto fanático de la estupenda serie sarcástica de televisión Padre de Familia (Family Guy), creada por uno de los titanes de la sátira norteamericana contemporánea: Seth MacFalane. Estrenada en 1999, la serie debió vérselas con la pesada sombra de Matt Groening y sus Simpsons, a la sazón único genio de la irreverencia animada. MacFarlane, con 36 años, se aventuró a presentar una serie animada sarcástica protagonizada por una familia disfuncional con un padre gordo y estúpido, una madre escrupulosa y sexy, tres hijos (bebe incluido) y un perrito. Padre de Familia fue casi universalmente condenada en sus inicios. Los amantes de la sátira del american way of life la acusaron de ser un vulgar plagio de Los Simpsons y los conservadores la persiguieron por su acidez irreverente y su ácido y muchas veces sanguinario sentido del humor. La serie fue cancelada en dos ocasiones, pero no sin antes de ganarse a pulso el gusto de millones de aficionados del sarcasmo brutal de los Griffin. Eventualmente, las millonarias ventas de los DVD's de las primeras temporadas pavimentaron el regreso de Padre de Familia las pantallas de Fox el 2005, al mismo tiempo que salía al aire “American Dad”, otra caricatura de MacFarlane, está dedicada íntegramente a festinar con el mesianismo republicano y “la Revolución Neoconservadora”. Por cierto que, ironía de ironías, MacFarlane tiene con qué para burlarse de la paranoia post 11 de septiembre, ya que se libró por poco de abordar uno de los vuelos que se estrellaron contra las Torres Gemelas (fue gracias a una mortal cruda).
Así, por una ruta azarosa, Padre de Familia se ha consolidado un sentido del humor que no se amilana ante nada, capaz de reírse de lo profano y lo sagrado con igual entusiasmo. No se salva nadie. No existe en el show la más mínima sombra de corrección política. Lo mismo hacen mofa de los neo cons, la derecha cristiana o Sarah Palin que de los progres, los gays, los negros, los judíos y los famosos de izquierdas. Tampoco se salvan las “buenas costumbres”, ni las creencias religiosas, ni las ideologías más encumbradas. Falso que sean una copia de Los Simpsons. “Family Guy” y “American Dad” apenas si comparten el modelo familiar y el género de comedia animada, pero explotan por caminos distintos, mucho más explícitos, si se quiere brutales y hasta grotescos (atentados al buen gusto, se diría), a diferencia de los cada vez más ñoños y predecibles Simpsons.
Family Guy ya alcanzó el episodio 150 e incluso ya se estrenó una serie derivada, The Cleveland show, con un oso hemoso como uno de los principales protagonistas (ver imagen). MacFarlane ha superado a su maestro Groenning por mucho como el hombre más irreverente de la televisión gringa. Es ya el guionista mejor pagado (con un contrato de 100 millones de dólares con Fox) y Padre de Familia fue la primera serie de animación candidata al Emmy como mejor comedia desde tiempos de Los Picapiedra (cosa que Los Simpsons jamás han logrado, curiosamente. MacFarlane esconde genialmente bajo el inocente concepto de padre de familia un mar de trasgresiones políticas, religiosas o sociales, además del catálogo completo de escatologías animadas. ¡Abran paso, Homero y Bart, a lños los Griffin, con su pervertido bebe Stewie y su perro alcohólico Brian!
Entrevista a Mac Farlene (El País) y algunas citas de Family Guy (en inglés):
Entrevista a Mac Farlene (El País) y algunas citas de Family Guy (en inglés):
Cuál es su personaje favorito?
Seth MacFarlane. Brian es mi personaje preferido. Siempre intenta hacer las cosas bien dentro de su caos mental. Y bebe mucho.
EP3. ¿Le sorprendió el éxito de la serie?
S. M. Me sorprendió el éxito de Stewie porque iba a ser un bebé, un personaje secundario. Pensé que la atención se la llevaría Peter, el padre, el protagonista, pero el público se quedó con Stewie.
EP3. ¿Quizá por su acento británico?
S. M. Crecí fascinado con Rex Harrison, y como fan de los musicales me parece que Henry Higgins [su papel de profesor de fonética británico en My fair lady] es uno de sus mejores personajes. Como dice: "La lluvia en Sevilla es una maravilla" [risas].
EP3. ¿Saldrá algún día del armario?
S. M. ¡Es un dibujo! ¡Ni siquiera existe!
EP3. Eso nunca le ha detenido.
S. M. Mi única queja como guionista es que tuve una infancia normal. Me hubiera venido bien tener un tío que abusara de mí. Desafortunadamente, nunca ocurrió, y ahora mis sesiones de psicoterapia son aburridas. ¡Ni siquiera hubo un cura en mi vida! Todos estaban con las manos ocupadas.
MacFarlane tuvo una infancia llena de voces y dibujos animados. De niño se pasaba el día imitando a Nixon y a Reagan. "Y no eran muy distintos de mis personajes. De hecho, los Griffin tienen más sustancia", añade irónico quien hace las voces originales de Peter, Stewie y Brian en la serie. Y como buen yanqui, se tragaba los cereales con una dieta de dibujitos "casposos" tipo GI Joe y Transformers. Luego vino la dieta ñoña, enamorado de la "segunda edad de
oro de Disney" con La sirenita o La bella y la bestia. Pero la llamada del olimpo animado le llegó de la mano del dibujante de cómic Gary Larson y, sobre todo, de Los Simpson. "Con ellos me di cuenta de que podía hacer un humor más adulto. Una animación familiar que me hiciera reír y que tuviera una lectura para los más jóvenes", resume.
EP3. ¿Hay alguna barrera en su humor?
S. M. La que impone el tiempo. Nos lleva nueve meses hacer un episodio de media hora, lo que impide la inmediatez. Y mejor así, porque comedia es tragedia más tiempo. En 2002 podías gastar bromas sobre el Titánic, pero
no del 11-S. Ahora ya puedes bromear con el tema.
EP3. ¿Y las represalias?
S. M. Sorprendentemente, las peores quejas fueron cuando bromeamos con Terri Schiavo [la mujer en estado vegetativo irreversible que abrió un debate sobre la eutanasia en EE UU] o con Sarah Palin. ¡Si esos chistes se cuentan a millones!
EP3. ¿Alguno censurado?
SM. El de la última cena, cuando Jesús dice "esta es mi sangre" y todos vomitan desaforadamente. Para mí es puro vodevil, pero hubo que quitarlo.
EP3. ¿Ríe de camino al banco cuando piensa que cancelaron la serie dos veces?
S. M. Fue lo mejor que me pudo pasar. Porque la serie estaba adelantada a su tiempo y necesitó calar, algo que hizo gracias a los medios alternativos, los DVD y sus repeticiones en antena.
EP3. Y ese cara a cara con Los Simpson, ¿para cuándo? ¿Antes o después de Padre de familia, la película?
S. M. Está complicado, pero me gustaría. Es más fácil con Padre made in USA o The Cleveland show, que es un crossover, pero aun así es todo un problema de logística. Lo mismo que la película. Cuando haces una serie semanal animada es casi imposible. Esto no es Jennifer Aniston rodando una peli en el descanso de Friends. A Los Simpson les tomó 20 años. Esperemos que en nuestro caso no sea tan grave.
All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you die.
-Peter Griffin, “Viewer Mail #1”
Day 171: I’ve sprouted another finger. Counting the one from yesterday, I’m up to 11.
-Baby Stewie, Family Guy, “Chitty Chitty Death Bang”
I want pancakes! God, do you people understand every language except English? Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez moi pancakes! Click click bloody click pancakes!
-Stewie Griffin
Dear McGyver: Enclosed is a paper clip, a rubber band, and a drinking straw. Please save our dog.
-Peter Griffin
You know, I rather like this God fellow. He’s very theatrical. A little pestilence here, a plague there... Omnipotence...got to get me some of that.
-Stewie Griffin, Family Guy
-Hey, Phil, what do you say to happy hour after work?
-I say Sheryl’s gonna have another black eye to explain to the neighbors!
-Family Guy
I will not stand idly by while you abrogate my plans! You shall rue this day!... Well, go on, start ruing!
-Stewie, Family Guy, “Mind Over Murder”
Lois: Come on, Stewie, you know you can’t leave the table until you finish your vegetables.
Stewie: Well, then I shall sit here until one of us expires, and you’ve got a good forty years on me, woman.
Lois: Sweetie, it’s broccoli, it’s good for you. Now, open up for the airplane...
Stewie: Never! Damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn the Wright brothers!
-Family Guy, “I Never Met the Dead Man”
Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there’s a message in my Alphabits. It says, “Oooooo.”
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
-Family Guy, “The Son Also Draws”
Peter: I’ll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn’t...nothing?
Peter: Oh, yeah...
-Family Guy, “If I’m Dyin’ I’m Lyin’”
There’s always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it’s not so much that I want to kill her, it’s just, I want her not to be alive anymore.
-Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, “Fifteen Minutes of Shame”
Dear diary: Jackpot.
-Glen Quagmire, Family Guy, on seeing a cheerleader tied up in a locker room,
Chris: Hey, little dude, you want some ice cream?
Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall KILL you...
Counselor: I’d like to put video cameras in every room of your house so that I can observe your uncensored behavior.
Peter: Wow, just like that show “Big Brother”...except somebody’ll be watching.
-Family Guy, “Stuck Together, Torn Apart”
Lois: Good, I don’t have to cook.
Peter: Oh, no, go ahead and cook anyway, Lois, and we’ll throw it out. I don’t want you to get rusty.
-Family Guy, “From Method to Madness”
Peter: Can’t we tell them that your mother died?
Lois: Peter, I’m not gonna lie about something like that.
Peter: All right, all right, I’ll kill your mother.
-Family Guy, “A Very Special Family Guy Freakin’ Christmas”
Lois: Peter, why would they make you president?
Peter: Maybe it’s because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second...RARF!
Lois: Peter, that was just a loud yelping noise.
-Family Guy
And Joe, I’ve had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are. Since you’re half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can’t even measure.
-Peter Griffin, Family Guy, “Love Thy Trophy”
Quagmire: Hey there, Gorgeous, how old are you?
Connie: Sixteen.
Quagmire: Eighteen?
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I Like where this is goin’!
-Family Guy, “And the Weiner Is...”
Hey, Mother! I come bearing a gift. I’ll give you a hint: it’s in my diaper, and it’s not a toaster.
-Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, “I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar”
Guns don’t kill people; dangerous minorities do.
-Gun-rights advocate, Family Guy, “And the Weiner Is...”
I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, Lois. You’re my silver medal.
-Peter Griffin, Family Guy, “Let’s Go to the Hop”
What’s this? Blueberries! Oh, oh my G—... Oh, that’s better than sex!
-Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, “Love Thy Trophy”
Brian: Peter, are you sure? You’ve never had much luck telling jokes.
[Flashback to Peter in a net surrounded by apes with guns]
Peter: Okay, okay. How many dirty stinkin’ apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?... Three: One dirty stinkin’ ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin’ apes to throw feces at each other! Hehehehehehe...
-Family Guy, “
Hey, Meg, you eighteen yet?
-Glen Quagmire
Stewie: What the hell is this?
Lois: Sweetie, that’s tuna salad.
Stewie: Oh, is that what it is? Really? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food.
-Family Guy,
Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya, but Daddy also loves Star Trek, and in all fairness, Star Trek was here first.
-Peter Griffin, Family Guy, “I Never Met the Dead Man” (Damn straight!)
Peter: What the hell is he talking about?
Englishman: Oh, it’s Cricket. Marvelous game, really. You see, the bowler hurls the ball toward the batter who tries to play away a fine leg. He endeavors to score by dashing between the creases, provided the wicket keeper hasn’t whipped his bails off, of course.
Peter: Anybody get that?
Cleveland: The only British idiom I know is that “fag” means “cigarette.”
Peter: Well, someone tell this “cigarette” to shut up.
-Family Guy
Tonight there’s a new reality show on Fox: “Fast Animals, Slow Children.”
-Peter Griffin
When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonette up my nose, it tickles my brain. Hah hah hah...ow. Oh, now I don’t know math.
-Chris Griffin, Family Guy, “The Kiss Seen ’Round the World”
Meg: Excuse me, Mayor West?
Adam West: How do you know my language?
-Family Guy, “The Story on Page 1”
Police blotter: We have a gang shooting on 3rd and Main. Three wounded, one dead.
Brian: Is it just me or is rap getting lazier?
-Family Guy
Stewie: I say, Mother, this hot dog has been on my plate for a full minute and it hasn’t yet cut itself.
Lois: Honey, I’ll be right there.
Stewie: Oh, by all means, take your time. Oh, and when you do finally get around to it, I’ll be the one covered in flies with a belly that protrudes half-way to bloody Boston!
-Family Guy, “Peter, Peter Caviar Eater”
I’m so hungry I could ride a horse. I don’t get it. Well, I could ride it to the store, I guess.
-Chris Griffin, Family Guy, “Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington”
I think the lesson here is, it really doesn’t matter where you’re from, as long as we’re all the same religion.
-Peter Griffin, “To Live and Die in Dixie”
Chris: Where do you think you go when you die?
Sam: I learned in church that if you’re good you go to heaven, but if you’re bad you go to a place where the dead believe they’re still livin’ and they pray for death but death won’t come.
Chris: UPN?
-Family Guy, “To Live and Die in Dixie”
Meg: Hey, Stewie! How do you like my new glasses?
Stewie: Let me just put it this way—in an attic somewhere, there's a picture of you getting prettier.
-I'm pretty sure that's not the exact quote, so don't copy and paste this anywhhere
Peter: Holy crap, Brian, what am I going to do? Lois is gonna be home in a couple of days, and we're getting kicked outta the house tomorrow!
Brian: What do you suggest?
Peter: Get out your ring.
Brian: Peter, that's not gonna—
Peter: Come on!
Both together: WonderTwin Powers...activate!
Peter: Form of: Steam!
[pause]
Brian: Peter, we got these in a box of Frankenberry.
-Family Guy
Peter as a child: Why did the dinosaurs die out?
Tour guide: Because you touch yourseft at night.
-Family Guy
Brian: Hola, me Ilamo es Brian... Nosotros queremos ir con Ustedes.. Uhhhh...
Bellboy: Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said, "Me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just "Me llamo Brian."
Brian: Oh, oh, you speak English.
Bellboy: No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You...you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy: Qué?
-Family Guy
Lois: Peter, what did you promise me?
Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter: Drank at the stag p—...Whoa, I almost walked into that one!
-Family Guy
Peter's voice on tape: Please leave the lights off, Lois. I dont want to be seen.
Lois: I imagined you wouldn't after the way you acted a while ago.
Peter's voice on tape: I thought you might say something like that.
Lois: Anyway, I've convined Meg to go to the dance.
Peter's voice on tape: Please don't yell, Lois. I've learned my lesson!
Lois: But I wasn't—
Peter's voice on tape: Oh, you would happen to bring that up Lois. Can't you leave the past where it belongs?
Lois: Peter what's gotten into you—
Peter's voice on tape: Because Ive already said it was a scavenger hunt.
Lois: [pulls over bed sheets and see pillows and voice recorder] What the...?
Peter's voice on tape: Lois, if you still haven't discovered I'm gone, please flip the tape over to side B.
-Family Guy
So, Broccolli, Mother says you're very good for me... Well, I'm afraid I'm NO GOOD FOR YOU! The first rule of war is Know Thine Enemy, and I know THIS: Cold KILLS broccolli! It's so simple! All I need to do is build a machine to control the global environment. Forecast for tomorrow: a few sprinkles of genius with A CHANCE OF DOOM!
-Stewie Griffin
Meg: How could you embarrass me like that? Nobody better pull this kind of crap at my slumber party tonight.
Lois: Don't worry, honey. You and your friends are gonna have a great time.
Stewie: Yes, how delightful it will be. A pubescent herd of gabby wretches prattling on about boys and music and...jellybeans...and...stickers...
-Family Guy
As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feed on the flesh of the living. So we all sing Christmas carols to lull him back to sleep.
-Peter Griffin, Family Guy, "A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas"
Bonnie: I am the Vigin Mary—that's my story and I'm stciking to it. Ohh, our savior has arrived!
Stewie. Good evening. I'm playing the role of Jesus, a man once portrayed on the big screen by Jeffrey Hunter. You may remember him as the actor who was replaced by William Shatner on "Star Trek." Apparently Mr. Hunter was good enough to die for our sins but not quite up to the task of seducing green women.
-Family Guy, "A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas"
Tom Tucker: And here's where we produce our in-studio celebrity interviews. I just did one with Dustin Hoffman. He's almost impossible to book, but we got him. [Footage of him interviewing him]: So Dustin, it's been a while. I gotta say, you look great.
Hoffman from The Graduate: Are you trying to seduce me, [dubbed-over voice] Mr. Tucker?
Tom Tucker: [laughs] I am not trying to seduce you, Dustin Hoffman. You really look great.
Hoffman from Rain Man: Uh-oh. Twelve minutes to "Whapner."
Tom Tucker: Yes, I understand your hectic schedule. Well, Dustin, we really appreciate you taking the time to be with us here in the studio. If there's anything I can ever do for you...
Hoffman from Hook: Bring me Peter Pan!
-Family Guy, "The Kiss Seen 'Round the World"
Stewie: Aaagghh, my teeth!
Stewie's incisor: I'm free! Free! I claim this mouth in the name of Incisor.
Stewie's bicuspid: I think not.
Incisor: (Gasp!) Bicuspid! We meet again.
Bicuspid: Have at you!
Incisor: En garde!
[They struggle to move near each other but don't budge.]
Bicuspid: Well, shall we bite the tongue, then?
Incisor: On three. One, two...
Stewie: Aaahhh!!!
-Family Guy, "The Basement Bar"
-Peter Griffin, “Viewer Mail #1”
Day 171: I’ve sprouted another finger. Counting the one from yesterday, I’m up to 11.
-Baby Stewie, Family Guy, “Chitty Chitty Death Bang”
I want pancakes! God, do you people understand every language except English? Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez moi pancakes! Click click bloody click pancakes!
-Stewie Griffin
Dear McGyver: Enclosed is a paper clip, a rubber band, and a drinking straw. Please save our dog.
-Peter Griffin
You know, I rather like this God fellow. He’s very theatrical. A little pestilence here, a plague there... Omnipotence...got to get me some of that.
-Stewie Griffin, Family Guy
-Hey, Phil, what do you say to happy hour after work?
-I say Sheryl’s gonna have another black eye to explain to the neighbors!
-Family Guy
I will not stand idly by while you abrogate my plans! You shall rue this day!... Well, go on, start ruing!
-Stewie, Family Guy, “Mind Over Murder”
Lois: Come on, Stewie, you know you can’t leave the table until you finish your vegetables.
Stewie: Well, then I shall sit here until one of us expires, and you’ve got a good forty years on me, woman.
Lois: Sweetie, it’s broccoli, it’s good for you. Now, open up for the airplane...
Stewie: Never! Damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn the Wright brothers!
-Family Guy, “I Never Met the Dead Man”
Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there’s a message in my Alphabits. It says, “Oooooo.”
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
-Family Guy, “The Son Also Draws”
Peter: I’ll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn’t...nothing?
Peter: Oh, yeah...
-Family Guy, “If I’m Dyin’ I’m Lyin’”
There’s always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it’s not so much that I want to kill her, it’s just, I want her not to be alive anymore.
-Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, “Fifteen Minutes of Shame”
Dear diary: Jackpot.
-Glen Quagmire, Family Guy, on seeing a cheerleader tied up in a locker room,
Chris: Hey, little dude, you want some ice cream?
Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall KILL you...
Counselor: I’d like to put video cameras in every room of your house so that I can observe your uncensored behavior.
Peter: Wow, just like that show “Big Brother”...except somebody’ll be watching.
-Family Guy, “Stuck Together, Torn Apart”
Lois: Good, I don’t have to cook.
Peter: Oh, no, go ahead and cook anyway, Lois, and we’ll throw it out. I don’t want you to get rusty.
-Family Guy, “From Method to Madness”
Peter: Can’t we tell them that your mother died?
Lois: Peter, I’m not gonna lie about something like that.
Peter: All right, all right, I’ll kill your mother.
-Family Guy, “A Very Special Family Guy Freakin’ Christmas”
Lois: Peter, why would they make you president?
Peter: Maybe it’s because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second...RARF!
Lois: Peter, that was just a loud yelping noise.
-Family Guy
And Joe, I’ve had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are. Since you’re half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can’t even measure.
-Peter Griffin, Family Guy, “Love Thy Trophy”
Quagmire: Hey there, Gorgeous, how old are you?
Connie: Sixteen.
Quagmire: Eighteen?
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I Like where this is goin’!
-Family Guy, “And the Weiner Is...”
Hey, Mother! I come bearing a gift. I’ll give you a hint: it’s in my diaper, and it’s not a toaster.
-Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, “I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar”
Guns don’t kill people; dangerous minorities do.
-Gun-rights advocate, Family Guy, “And the Weiner Is...”
I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, Lois. You’re my silver medal.
-Peter Griffin, Family Guy, “Let’s Go to the Hop”
What’s this? Blueberries! Oh, oh my G—... Oh, that’s better than sex!
-Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, “Love Thy Trophy”
Brian: Peter, are you sure? You’ve never had much luck telling jokes.
[Flashback to Peter in a net surrounded by apes with guns]
Peter: Okay, okay. How many dirty stinkin’ apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?... Three: One dirty stinkin’ ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin’ apes to throw feces at each other! Hehehehehehe...
-Family Guy, “
Hey, Meg, you eighteen yet?
-Glen Quagmire
Stewie: What the hell is this?
Lois: Sweetie, that’s tuna salad.
Stewie: Oh, is that what it is? Really? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food.
-Family Guy,
Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya, but Daddy also loves Star Trek, and in all fairness, Star Trek was here first.
-Peter Griffin, Family Guy, “I Never Met the Dead Man” (Damn straight!)
Peter: What the hell is he talking about?
Englishman: Oh, it’s Cricket. Marvelous game, really. You see, the bowler hurls the ball toward the batter who tries to play away a fine leg. He endeavors to score by dashing between the creases, provided the wicket keeper hasn’t whipped his bails off, of course.
Peter: Anybody get that?
Cleveland: The only British idiom I know is that “fag” means “cigarette.”
Peter: Well, someone tell this “cigarette” to shut up.
-Family Guy
Tonight there’s a new reality show on Fox: “Fast Animals, Slow Children.”
-Peter Griffin
When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonette up my nose, it tickles my brain. Hah hah hah...ow. Oh, now I don’t know math.
-Chris Griffin, Family Guy, “The Kiss Seen ’Round the World”
Meg: Excuse me, Mayor West?
Adam West: How do you know my language?
-Family Guy, “The Story on Page 1”
Police blotter: We have a gang shooting on 3rd and Main. Three wounded, one dead.
Brian: Is it just me or is rap getting lazier?
-Family Guy
Stewie: I say, Mother, this hot dog has been on my plate for a full minute and it hasn’t yet cut itself.
Lois: Honey, I’ll be right there.
Stewie: Oh, by all means, take your time. Oh, and when you do finally get around to it, I’ll be the one covered in flies with a belly that protrudes half-way to bloody Boston!
-Family Guy, “Peter, Peter Caviar Eater”
I’m so hungry I could ride a horse. I don’t get it. Well, I could ride it to the store, I guess.
-Chris Griffin, Family Guy, “Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington”
I think the lesson here is, it really doesn’t matter where you’re from, as long as we’re all the same religion.
-Peter Griffin, “To Live and Die in Dixie”
Chris: Where do you think you go when you die?
Sam: I learned in church that if you’re good you go to heaven, but if you’re bad you go to a place where the dead believe they’re still livin’ and they pray for death but death won’t come.
Chris: UPN?
-Family Guy, “To Live and Die in Dixie”
Meg: Hey, Stewie! How do you like my new glasses?
Stewie: Let me just put it this way—in an attic somewhere, there's a picture of you getting prettier.
-I'm pretty sure that's not the exact quote, so don't copy and paste this anywhhere
Peter: Holy crap, Brian, what am I going to do? Lois is gonna be home in a couple of days, and we're getting kicked outta the house tomorrow!
Brian: What do you suggest?
Peter: Get out your ring.
Brian: Peter, that's not gonna—
Peter: Come on!
Both together: WonderTwin Powers...activate!
Peter: Form of: Steam!
[pause]
Brian: Peter, we got these in a box of Frankenberry.
-Family Guy
Peter as a child: Why did the dinosaurs die out?
Tour guide: Because you touch yourseft at night.
-Family Guy
Brian: Hola, me Ilamo es Brian... Nosotros queremos ir con Ustedes.. Uhhhh...
Bellboy: Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said, "Me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just "Me llamo Brian."
Brian: Oh, oh, you speak English.
Bellboy: No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You...you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy: Qué?
-Family Guy
Lois: Peter, what did you promise me?
Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter: Drank at the stag p—...Whoa, I almost walked into that one!
-Family Guy
Peter's voice on tape: Please leave the lights off, Lois. I dont want to be seen.
Lois: I imagined you wouldn't after the way you acted a while ago.
Peter's voice on tape: I thought you might say something like that.
Lois: Anyway, I've convined Meg to go to the dance.
Peter's voice on tape: Please don't yell, Lois. I've learned my lesson!
Lois: But I wasn't—
Peter's voice on tape: Oh, you would happen to bring that up Lois. Can't you leave the past where it belongs?
Lois: Peter what's gotten into you—
Peter's voice on tape: Because Ive already said it was a scavenger hunt.
Lois: [pulls over bed sheets and see pillows and voice recorder] What the...?
Peter's voice on tape: Lois, if you still haven't discovered I'm gone, please flip the tape over to side B.
-Family Guy
So, Broccolli, Mother says you're very good for me... Well, I'm afraid I'm NO GOOD FOR YOU! The first rule of war is Know Thine Enemy, and I know THIS: Cold KILLS broccolli! It's so simple! All I need to do is build a machine to control the global environment. Forecast for tomorrow: a few sprinkles of genius with A CHANCE OF DOOM!
-Stewie Griffin
Meg: How could you embarrass me like that? Nobody better pull this kind of crap at my slumber party tonight.
Lois: Don't worry, honey. You and your friends are gonna have a great time.
Stewie: Yes, how delightful it will be. A pubescent herd of gabby wretches prattling on about boys and music and...jellybeans...and...stickers...
-Family Guy
As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feed on the flesh of the living. So we all sing Christmas carols to lull him back to sleep.
-Peter Griffin, Family Guy, "A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas"
Bonnie: I am the Vigin Mary—that's my story and I'm stciking to it. Ohh, our savior has arrived!
Stewie. Good evening. I'm playing the role of Jesus, a man once portrayed on the big screen by Jeffrey Hunter. You may remember him as the actor who was replaced by William Shatner on "Star Trek." Apparently Mr. Hunter was good enough to die for our sins but not quite up to the task of seducing green women.
-Family Guy, "A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas"
Tom Tucker: And here's where we produce our in-studio celebrity interviews. I just did one with Dustin Hoffman. He's almost impossible to book, but we got him. [Footage of him interviewing him]: So Dustin, it's been a while. I gotta say, you look great.
Hoffman from The Graduate: Are you trying to seduce me, [dubbed-over voice] Mr. Tucker?
Tom Tucker: [laughs] I am not trying to seduce you, Dustin Hoffman. You really look great.
Hoffman from Rain Man: Uh-oh. Twelve minutes to "Whapner."
Tom Tucker: Yes, I understand your hectic schedule. Well, Dustin, we really appreciate you taking the time to be with us here in the studio. If there's anything I can ever do for you...
Hoffman from Hook: Bring me Peter Pan!
-Family Guy, "The Kiss Seen 'Round the World"
Stewie: Aaagghh, my teeth!
Stewie's incisor: I'm free! Free! I claim this mouth in the name of Incisor.
Stewie's bicuspid: I think not.
Incisor: (Gasp!) Bicuspid! We meet again.
Bicuspid: Have at you!
Incisor: En garde!
[They struggle to move near each other but don't budge.]
Bicuspid: Well, shall we bite the tongue, then?
Incisor: On three. One, two...
Stewie: Aaahhh!!!
-Family Guy, "The Basement Bar"
1 comentario:
Está hermoooooso el oso de The Cleveland show.
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